So it has been an issue that I have been having for a while. If I sit for an extended period of time my back starts killing me and I am constantly shifting and popping it. Well today, my leg/ hip joint area (really hard to describe and area where the pain is) anyways it REALLY started to hurt. I went and got prayed for after church and pastor had me speak forgiveness to those who wronged me. Now if you know me and have read up on this particular blog, you know that I have had a difficult battle with forgiveness. It is probably true that it is not just me, I am sure everyone has that issue. In my case, it has been an almost lifetime battle. From my father to my 'ex's'.
The past four months that I have been living for the Redeemer. By His grace I have been set free. I have had a really hard time dealing with my past. For instance, I saw one of the 'ex's' and found out he moved to HERE and was going to MY school. Ok, ok I don't own the school but I moved from Phoenix so that I could get away from my problems and start fresh with God. But that is exactly it, I RAN AWAY. I had to realize that like Adam and Eve, I could't run away from what I had done. Like they had to get up and face God's punishment, I had to deal with the consequences of what I had done. I had to face it and mentally, spiritually, emotionally and FORCE myself to get over it. Talking to one of my best friend's helped me see it all from another perspective and that helped a lot. So with His strength I am able to lean on Him and get through all that. I can face it, because I don't want to let my past run my life. If I allow that, what was the point of ever moving. I am living a NEW life following the Creator. My past and the devil do not dictate how I feel and what happens to me. Not anymore! With that said I have been able to forgive them and just move on and keep them all in my prayers.
I know that might have gone slightly off topic but it leads up to what where I was going with the pains in my body. Pastor had me speak I forgive those who wronged me. I do. I forgive them all as hard as it is for my brain to wrap around, in my heart I do! But walking away I still hurt. Now I know its not Pastor because I mean really, we are talking about Pastor Mitchell here. So that left me and God. Well God FORGAVE me for all the stupid things that I did, I know there is no way he would just not heal me. So guess who that leaves, yeah that is right ME. So the drive home I zone out in ponder and think what did I do that would keep the pain? what does it mean? Am I not forgiving enough?! Do I not forgive them and just say it as an effort to convince myself. No, I DO forgive them. Its in the past. I learned from it. So then what could it be?! It was at that moment that it hit me. I may have forgiven those who called me so many wrongs BUT did I forgive myself?
That is one the thing when I was unsaved I struggled so much with. I would look in the mirror and see something so worthless, and filled with guilt and regret. I hated my reflection. It was only after the grace of God made me clean that I realized in His eyes I was more precious that diamonds. He loves me so much and just wants to see me happy and following Him. He doesn't set rules for His followers to hurt us but to protect us. Even after breaking them all, He just wanted to hold me and make me feel better. I had to go to Him for the help. He holds us and lets us just cry out all our fears, and hurts and He replaces them with the joy and happiness as we are there surrounded by His comforting. Now if God can send His ONLY son to die a painful and horrible death on a cross for me. For ME!!! so that I (worthless me) could be forgiven and live eternally with Him in heaven. If He would do ALL that forgive me and clean me. Why can't I do the same to myself?!
I was the one who caused all my issues and problems. It was my fault that what happened to me happened. But the BLOOD OF JESUS cleaned me. SET ME FREE!!! I can't put His blood on the judgment stand and in my own head not believe that it worked. Trust me it worked. I am a changed person from the inside and out. I am NOT the same person I was. There is nothing to forgive because there is no one to forgive. That person that caused all those problems is not here anymore. I am a complete different person.
BY HIS GRACE
I AM NEW
I HAVE BEEN SET FREE!!!
(just an epiphany and brain ponder that I thought I would share)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Could you give up your future?
Now I can tell you one thing is for certain. I am a huge planner. I over think a LOT. It is something that I have accustomed to doing, it is a part of what makes me who I am. . I live through the goals of the future, as a way to get through the trials of today. Now how can a person who can sit and ponder about things that have not or might not ever happen be willing to give that future to someone else?
I was sitting in the foyer in building 15 at Yavapai College, where I sit every morning waiting for my classes to start. There is this book that I have been reading that was given to me by a person who, all except blood, is my sister. Now this book has challenges to read from the Bible at the end of every chapter. Today was Genesis 22.
This is a story that, having grown up in church, I had heard and read multiple times in my life. It is the story of Abraham and his son Issac. God told Abraham to go up to the region of Moriah and take his son whom he loves and sacrifice him on an alter to Him. Abraham did just that. He took his son there and Issac was tied up Abraham about to kill Him when and angel of God talks to him again. He was testing his love for his Heavenly Father, and Abraham turned and saw a ram and Issac and Abraham sacrificed the ram instead.
As I read this my mind was whirling and deep in ponder. Not many times before have I read His word and got a lot more out of it than the surface meaning.
1. First in this scripture it tells of how Abraham was willing to give up his son to God. I had to wonder when it comes down to it that what am I willing to give up for God?
2. Abraham tells his son 'God will provide for the sacrifice' when Issac asks why they have nothing with them to sacrifice.Why doesn't Abraham tell his son what God had told him to do. If it was me I know that my head would have been wandering a thousand miles a minute both good and bad. But Abraham gave Issac affirmation to trust God. He calmed Issac's fears and worries. Abraham was showing Issac, no matter what road even if its despair, trust in God.
Then look at it from Abraham's perspective. Imagine what must have been going through his mind. He was guiding his one and only son up to his death. Still Abraham knew that God was in control.Abraham trusted God so much that he knew He still had a plan. God is there to guide us. Abraham had to trust him.
3. Laying down tied up on an alter with your father standing over you about to sacrifice you would probably scare the life out of you. But Issac was ok. Even if it feels like all hope is lost, God still protects. He protected Issac.
4. Even though there seemed to be nothing around, God provided them with a sacrifice. God will provide. In the circumstances that seem to be hopeless He comes through.
Abraham went on to be the father of many nations.
What would it be like to have the faith of Abraham?
Now all those are awesome to be able to sit and ponder over. It makes me feel good to know how many things are possible if I will only trust Him completely.
However the thing that stuck out the most was that Abraham was willing to give up His only son. Yeah you must be thinking uh duh you have said that many times!! But think that was his only son. It was a miracle that in his old age Sarah had Issac. Parents live on through their decedents. In this day an age it is how someone is formed through half the genes of one parent and half from the other. But a man's name and the name of his father before him is passed on through the son. The land goes to the son. All things are passed from father to son. By Abraham being willing to give up his only son to God, he was willing to give up his future.
The thought of giving up my future scares me, but do I have faith and trust in God enough to give Him all of my future? He is going to protect and provide. I have to trust Him and give Him all of my future every aspect of it.
If you were in Abraham's shoes
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE GOD YOUR FUTURE??
I was sitting in the foyer in building 15 at Yavapai College, where I sit every morning waiting for my classes to start. There is this book that I have been reading that was given to me by a person who, all except blood, is my sister. Now this book has challenges to read from the Bible at the end of every chapter. Today was Genesis 22.
This is a story that, having grown up in church, I had heard and read multiple times in my life. It is the story of Abraham and his son Issac. God told Abraham to go up to the region of Moriah and take his son whom he loves and sacrifice him on an alter to Him. Abraham did just that. He took his son there and Issac was tied up Abraham about to kill Him when and angel of God talks to him again. He was testing his love for his Heavenly Father, and Abraham turned and saw a ram and Issac and Abraham sacrificed the ram instead.
As I read this my mind was whirling and deep in ponder. Not many times before have I read His word and got a lot more out of it than the surface meaning.
1. First in this scripture it tells of how Abraham was willing to give up his son to God. I had to wonder when it comes down to it that what am I willing to give up for God?
2. Abraham tells his son 'God will provide for the sacrifice' when Issac asks why they have nothing with them to sacrifice.Why doesn't Abraham tell his son what God had told him to do. If it was me I know that my head would have been wandering a thousand miles a minute both good and bad. But Abraham gave Issac affirmation to trust God. He calmed Issac's fears and worries. Abraham was showing Issac, no matter what road even if its despair, trust in God.
Then look at it from Abraham's perspective. Imagine what must have been going through his mind. He was guiding his one and only son up to his death. Still Abraham knew that God was in control.Abraham trusted God so much that he knew He still had a plan. God is there to guide us. Abraham had to trust him.
3. Laying down tied up on an alter with your father standing over you about to sacrifice you would probably scare the life out of you. But Issac was ok. Even if it feels like all hope is lost, God still protects. He protected Issac.
4. Even though there seemed to be nothing around, God provided them with a sacrifice. God will provide. In the circumstances that seem to be hopeless He comes through.
Abraham went on to be the father of many nations.
What would it be like to have the faith of Abraham?
Now all those are awesome to be able to sit and ponder over. It makes me feel good to know how many things are possible if I will only trust Him completely.
However the thing that stuck out the most was that Abraham was willing to give up His only son. Yeah you must be thinking uh duh you have said that many times!! But think that was his only son. It was a miracle that in his old age Sarah had Issac. Parents live on through their decedents. In this day an age it is how someone is formed through half the genes of one parent and half from the other. But a man's name and the name of his father before him is passed on through the son. The land goes to the son. All things are passed from father to son. By Abraham being willing to give up his only son to God, he was willing to give up his future.
The thought of giving up my future scares me, but do I have faith and trust in God enough to give Him all of my future? He is going to protect and provide. I have to trust Him and give Him all of my future every aspect of it.
If you were in Abraham's shoes
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE GOD YOUR FUTURE??
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