So it has been an issue that I have been having for a while. If I sit for an extended period of time my back starts killing me and I am constantly shifting and popping it. Well today, my leg/ hip joint area (really hard to describe and area where the pain is) anyways it REALLY started to hurt. I went and got prayed for after church and pastor had me speak forgiveness to those who wronged me. Now if you know me and have read up on this particular blog, you know that I have had a difficult battle with forgiveness. It is probably true that it is not just me, I am sure everyone has that issue. In my case, it has been an almost lifetime battle. From my father to my 'ex's'.
The past four months that I have been living for the Redeemer. By His grace I have been set free. I have had a really hard time dealing with my past. For instance, I saw one of the 'ex's' and found out he moved to HERE and was going to MY school. Ok, ok I don't own the school but I moved from Phoenix so that I could get away from my problems and start fresh with God. But that is exactly it, I RAN AWAY. I had to realize that like Adam and Eve, I could't run away from what I had done. Like they had to get up and face God's punishment, I had to deal with the consequences of what I had done. I had to face it and mentally, spiritually, emotionally and FORCE myself to get over it. Talking to one of my best friend's helped me see it all from another perspective and that helped a lot. So with His strength I am able to lean on Him and get through all that. I can face it, because I don't want to let my past run my life. If I allow that, what was the point of ever moving. I am living a NEW life following the Creator. My past and the devil do not dictate how I feel and what happens to me. Not anymore! With that said I have been able to forgive them and just move on and keep them all in my prayers.
I know that might have gone slightly off topic but it leads up to what where I was going with the pains in my body. Pastor had me speak I forgive those who wronged me. I do. I forgive them all as hard as it is for my brain to wrap around, in my heart I do! But walking away I still hurt. Now I know its not Pastor because I mean really, we are talking about Pastor Mitchell here. So that left me and God. Well God FORGAVE me for all the stupid things that I did, I know there is no way he would just not heal me. So guess who that leaves, yeah that is right ME. So the drive home I zone out in ponder and think what did I do that would keep the pain? what does it mean? Am I not forgiving enough?! Do I not forgive them and just say it as an effort to convince myself. No, I DO forgive them. Its in the past. I learned from it. So then what could it be?! It was at that moment that it hit me. I may have forgiven those who called me so many wrongs BUT did I forgive myself?
That is one the thing when I was unsaved I struggled so much with. I would look in the mirror and see something so worthless, and filled with guilt and regret. I hated my reflection. It was only after the grace of God made me clean that I realized in His eyes I was more precious that diamonds. He loves me so much and just wants to see me happy and following Him. He doesn't set rules for His followers to hurt us but to protect us. Even after breaking them all, He just wanted to hold me and make me feel better. I had to go to Him for the help. He holds us and lets us just cry out all our fears, and hurts and He replaces them with the joy and happiness as we are there surrounded by His comforting. Now if God can send His ONLY son to die a painful and horrible death on a cross for me. For ME!!! so that I (worthless me) could be forgiven and live eternally with Him in heaven. If He would do ALL that forgive me and clean me. Why can't I do the same to myself?!
I was the one who caused all my issues and problems. It was my fault that what happened to me happened. But the BLOOD OF JESUS cleaned me. SET ME FREE!!! I can't put His blood on the judgment stand and in my own head not believe that it worked. Trust me it worked. I am a changed person from the inside and out. I am NOT the same person I was. There is nothing to forgive because there is no one to forgive. That person that caused all those problems is not here anymore. I am a complete different person.
BY HIS GRACE
I AM NEW
I HAVE BEEN SET FREE!!!
(just an epiphany and brain ponder that I thought I would share)
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Could you give up your future?
Now I can tell you one thing is for certain. I am a huge planner. I over think a LOT. It is something that I have accustomed to doing, it is a part of what makes me who I am. . I live through the goals of the future, as a way to get through the trials of today. Now how can a person who can sit and ponder about things that have not or might not ever happen be willing to give that future to someone else?
I was sitting in the foyer in building 15 at Yavapai College, where I sit every morning waiting for my classes to start. There is this book that I have been reading that was given to me by a person who, all except blood, is my sister. Now this book has challenges to read from the Bible at the end of every chapter. Today was Genesis 22.
This is a story that, having grown up in church, I had heard and read multiple times in my life. It is the story of Abraham and his son Issac. God told Abraham to go up to the region of Moriah and take his son whom he loves and sacrifice him on an alter to Him. Abraham did just that. He took his son there and Issac was tied up Abraham about to kill Him when and angel of God talks to him again. He was testing his love for his Heavenly Father, and Abraham turned and saw a ram and Issac and Abraham sacrificed the ram instead.
As I read this my mind was whirling and deep in ponder. Not many times before have I read His word and got a lot more out of it than the surface meaning.
1. First in this scripture it tells of how Abraham was willing to give up his son to God. I had to wonder when it comes down to it that what am I willing to give up for God?
2. Abraham tells his son 'God will provide for the sacrifice' when Issac asks why they have nothing with them to sacrifice.Why doesn't Abraham tell his son what God had told him to do. If it was me I know that my head would have been wandering a thousand miles a minute both good and bad. But Abraham gave Issac affirmation to trust God. He calmed Issac's fears and worries. Abraham was showing Issac, no matter what road even if its despair, trust in God.
Then look at it from Abraham's perspective. Imagine what must have been going through his mind. He was guiding his one and only son up to his death. Still Abraham knew that God was in control.Abraham trusted God so much that he knew He still had a plan. God is there to guide us. Abraham had to trust him.
3. Laying down tied up on an alter with your father standing over you about to sacrifice you would probably scare the life out of you. But Issac was ok. Even if it feels like all hope is lost, God still protects. He protected Issac.
4. Even though there seemed to be nothing around, God provided them with a sacrifice. God will provide. In the circumstances that seem to be hopeless He comes through.
Abraham went on to be the father of many nations.
What would it be like to have the faith of Abraham?
Now all those are awesome to be able to sit and ponder over. It makes me feel good to know how many things are possible if I will only trust Him completely.
However the thing that stuck out the most was that Abraham was willing to give up His only son. Yeah you must be thinking uh duh you have said that many times!! But think that was his only son. It was a miracle that in his old age Sarah had Issac. Parents live on through their decedents. In this day an age it is how someone is formed through half the genes of one parent and half from the other. But a man's name and the name of his father before him is passed on through the son. The land goes to the son. All things are passed from father to son. By Abraham being willing to give up his only son to God, he was willing to give up his future.
The thought of giving up my future scares me, but do I have faith and trust in God enough to give Him all of my future? He is going to protect and provide. I have to trust Him and give Him all of my future every aspect of it.
If you were in Abraham's shoes
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE GOD YOUR FUTURE??
I was sitting in the foyer in building 15 at Yavapai College, where I sit every morning waiting for my classes to start. There is this book that I have been reading that was given to me by a person who, all except blood, is my sister. Now this book has challenges to read from the Bible at the end of every chapter. Today was Genesis 22.
This is a story that, having grown up in church, I had heard and read multiple times in my life. It is the story of Abraham and his son Issac. God told Abraham to go up to the region of Moriah and take his son whom he loves and sacrifice him on an alter to Him. Abraham did just that. He took his son there and Issac was tied up Abraham about to kill Him when and angel of God talks to him again. He was testing his love for his Heavenly Father, and Abraham turned and saw a ram and Issac and Abraham sacrificed the ram instead.
As I read this my mind was whirling and deep in ponder. Not many times before have I read His word and got a lot more out of it than the surface meaning.
1. First in this scripture it tells of how Abraham was willing to give up his son to God. I had to wonder when it comes down to it that what am I willing to give up for God?
2. Abraham tells his son 'God will provide for the sacrifice' when Issac asks why they have nothing with them to sacrifice.Why doesn't Abraham tell his son what God had told him to do. If it was me I know that my head would have been wandering a thousand miles a minute both good and bad. But Abraham gave Issac affirmation to trust God. He calmed Issac's fears and worries. Abraham was showing Issac, no matter what road even if its despair, trust in God.
Then look at it from Abraham's perspective. Imagine what must have been going through his mind. He was guiding his one and only son up to his death. Still Abraham knew that God was in control.Abraham trusted God so much that he knew He still had a plan. God is there to guide us. Abraham had to trust him.
3. Laying down tied up on an alter with your father standing over you about to sacrifice you would probably scare the life out of you. But Issac was ok. Even if it feels like all hope is lost, God still protects. He protected Issac.
4. Even though there seemed to be nothing around, God provided them with a sacrifice. God will provide. In the circumstances that seem to be hopeless He comes through.
Abraham went on to be the father of many nations.
What would it be like to have the faith of Abraham?
Now all those are awesome to be able to sit and ponder over. It makes me feel good to know how many things are possible if I will only trust Him completely.
However the thing that stuck out the most was that Abraham was willing to give up His only son. Yeah you must be thinking uh duh you have said that many times!! But think that was his only son. It was a miracle that in his old age Sarah had Issac. Parents live on through their decedents. In this day an age it is how someone is formed through half the genes of one parent and half from the other. But a man's name and the name of his father before him is passed on through the son. The land goes to the son. All things are passed from father to son. By Abraham being willing to give up his only son to God, he was willing to give up his future.
The thought of giving up my future scares me, but do I have faith and trust in God enough to give Him all of my future? He is going to protect and provide. I have to trust Him and give Him all of my future every aspect of it.
If you were in Abraham's shoes
WOULD YOU BE WILLING TO GIVE GOD YOUR FUTURE??
Friday, August 12, 2011
a look into the change
I was sitting in church the other day and an epiphany came to me .
As much as every part of me wishes I could go back into time and change what happened. To forget the past. As much as it hurts to remember it all. I NEVER want to erase it. It is what has made and shaped me into who I am today. The wounds they hurt. But the scars remind me. I don't ever want to go back.He is the only One worth living for and the only One, in my search that I had for love, that truly loves me.
The last year where I fell down lower than I could of ever imagined. The truth is to look at an even bigger picture to help the healing process.
1. One year of my almost 20 is 2% of my life. Not a real big number and only growing smaller as every second passes.
2. I get to live forever in a matter of speaking. Because of His grace and death on the cross and my surrender to Him and the power of redemption, I get to live in heaven with Him eternally. Which is longer than forever. So one year of forever is, well very insignificant.
3. The year will be my physical past. and it may stay in my memory and leave scars that will never be erased. But my spiritual past was wiped clean. Through the eyes of God I have been made as white as snow. In the end that is all that matters. The way others see me is insignificant. He sees me as a child come home. The prodigal. In the end, being set free is all that matters.
As much as every part of me wishes I could go back into time and change what happened. To forget the past. As much as it hurts to remember it all. I NEVER want to erase it. It is what has made and shaped me into who I am today. The wounds they hurt. But the scars remind me. I don't ever want to go back.He is the only One worth living for and the only One, in my search that I had for love, that truly loves me.
The last year where I fell down lower than I could of ever imagined. The truth is to look at an even bigger picture to help the healing process.
1. One year of my almost 20 is 2% of my life. Not a real big number and only growing smaller as every second passes.
2. I get to live forever in a matter of speaking. Because of His grace and death on the cross and my surrender to Him and the power of redemption, I get to live in heaven with Him eternally. Which is longer than forever. So one year of forever is, well very insignificant.
3. The year will be my physical past. and it may stay in my memory and leave scars that will never be erased. But my spiritual past was wiped clean. Through the eyes of God I have been made as white as snow. In the end that is all that matters. The way others see me is insignificant. He sees me as a child come home. The prodigal. In the end, being set free is all that matters.
the stress to not stress
I find it humorous that I misplace my money backup plan. It is as if God is like.. 'What do you not fully trust me that you fell you need a back up plan?'. So I am try to just give it to Him and let it be in His hands. I tell you what though that is not easy.
I have been kept on my toes the last few weeks. School causing havoc and money mayhem. It is the hardest thing to completely give it all to God hands down.
I know He knows what He is doing and that it is all in His control.
I have been kept on my toes the last few weeks. School causing havoc and money mayhem. It is the hardest thing to completely give it all to God hands down.
I know He knows what He is doing and that it is all in His control.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
cousin innocent cuteness
Devin- "cant you wear your contacts"
Me- "yeah why?"
D- "cuz then you'll be cute"
Me- "What are you saying I am not cute with glasses?"
D- "Your are still cute with glasses'
Me- "oh i see how it is :P "
D- "its just your contacts makes your makups pops"
oh man toooo cute i love him :)
Me- "yeah why?"
D- "cuz then you'll be cute"
Me- "What are you saying I am not cute with glasses?"
D- "Your are still cute with glasses'
Me- "oh i see how it is :P "
D- "its just your contacts makes your makups pops"
oh man toooo cute i love him :)
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
flashback
I had to fall before I could realize I had been only crawling.
Barely sliding by on the fence between salvation and sin.
Knowing which side I wanted to be on but holding back.
I had to fall to look up
See how far down I already was.
Barely sliding by on the fence between salvation and sin.
Knowing which side I wanted to be on but holding back.
He saw right through me.
To the truth behind the deceit.
He can see through the mask.
Face on the ground He reached down to touch me.
Straight to my soul.
He cleansed me.
He made me whole.
He helped me up of the ground.
I may stumble but He is by my side to help me
He never left me.
He'll NEVER leave me.
I see it all now.
To the truth behind the deceit.
He can see through the mask.
Face on the ground He reached down to touch me.
Straight to my soul.
He cleansed me.
He made me whole.
He helped me up of the ground.
I may stumble but He is by my side to help me
He never left me.
He'll NEVER leave me.
I see it all now.
I had to fall to look up
See how far down I already was.
I looked up and saw the truth
Him
He saved me.
Him
He saved me.
I have been set free.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
sooo yeah ...
All I know is that a good friend of mine made my night this evening.
Everyday I have had to keep telling myself, "The decision that I have made to move will benefit me and allow me to keep my salvation. It doesn't matter those who persecute and don't approve of my choice. I know that He has a plan for me, I just have to have faith and trust in Him. He already has my heart and my life, the least I can do is trust in Him." Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
Well anyways, this friend looked at me point blank and told me. God still has a plan for you!
I had to choke back the tears, I know what I plan seems to be a mistake. But I ALSO know my mom raised me so well, that grown up I would be able to make the right choices. And I truly believe that this is where I belong.
My friend doesn't even know how much he made my day. I love being encouraged. It's like God knows when we need it the most. Trust me, is has been one of those weekends that I felt very down and not had faith in my decision at all. What I needed most was encouragement and reassurance from Him that I was making the right choice. In those few words I feel my prayer was answered. Thank You God for always knowing the deepest part of my heart that is hidden from everyone else. Thank you for knowing me so incredibly well that You know just the words to say to me! I love you with all my heart, soul, and life!
Everyday I have had to keep telling myself, "The decision that I have made to move will benefit me and allow me to keep my salvation. It doesn't matter those who persecute and don't approve of my choice. I know that He has a plan for me, I just have to have faith and trust in Him. He already has my heart and my life, the least I can do is trust in Him." Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding
Well anyways, this friend looked at me point blank and told me. God still has a plan for you!
I had to choke back the tears, I know what I plan seems to be a mistake. But I ALSO know my mom raised me so well, that grown up I would be able to make the right choices. And I truly believe that this is where I belong.
My friend doesn't even know how much he made my day. I love being encouraged. It's like God knows when we need it the most. Trust me, is has been one of those weekends that I felt very down and not had faith in my decision at all. What I needed most was encouragement and reassurance from Him that I was making the right choice. In those few words I feel my prayer was answered. Thank You God for always knowing the deepest part of my heart that is hidden from everyone else. Thank you for knowing me so incredibly well that You know just the words to say to me! I love you with all my heart, soul, and life!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
life and all its hills..
Yeah I decided to get out of Phoenix for the weekend. The whole week I have felt pretty alone. My roommates seem to be mad at me and they are all ignoring me. Also, I don't know I feel like all the people I thought were friends won't talk to me either. It's not like I did something wrong, if anything what I did was finally right.
I don't know I just needed to get away and come to Prescott.
So I surprised my mom and it was not the welcome I expected.
Oh well I know I always have God. I get to go to One80 this weekend and church so I am happy with that. :)
I don't know I just needed to get away and come to Prescott.
So I surprised my mom and it was not the welcome I expected.
Oh well I know I always have God. I get to go to One80 this weekend and church so I am happy with that. :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
hmmmm the ponders continue
So yeah today I added one and one together; for being a math nerd I never got two before now.
1. I LOVE righting poems haven't done it in a while but they are so much fun and let me be as creative as I want to be. They have no rules (unless I want them too) and I can say what I want straight from well my heart soul and mind.
1. I LOVE singing and all things music. It is way that lets me be me. I express myself and my moderately good voice doesn't matter. The singing is the way that I feel free.
2. UH DUH!!! combine them. Poems are like lyrics. I could easily write my own songs! hmmm yeah it just hit me! ok ok when I say easily I mean the lyric part the music and combining it all will take a LOT of time, practice, patience and prayer. But I can use it as a tool to not only let myself get closer to God but also as a tool to bring others to Him as well.
Don't you just love epiphany's :)
now all I need to do is get a guitar haha.. and get the piano tuned.. and learn my bass..learn it all actually..
(yeah I am going to be pretty busy for a while! )
1. I LOVE righting poems haven't done it in a while but they are so much fun and let me be as creative as I want to be. They have no rules (unless I want them too) and I can say what I want straight from well my heart soul and mind.
1. I LOVE singing and all things music. It is way that lets me be me. I express myself and my moderately good voice doesn't matter. The singing is the way that I feel free.
2. UH DUH!!! combine them. Poems are like lyrics. I could easily write my own songs! hmmm yeah it just hit me! ok ok when I say easily I mean the lyric part the music and combining it all will take a LOT of time, practice, patience and prayer. But I can use it as a tool to not only let myself get closer to God but also as a tool to bring others to Him as well.
Don't you just love epiphany's :)
now all I need to do is get a guitar haha.. and get the piano tuned.. and learn my bass..learn it all actually..
(yeah I am going to be pretty busy for a while! )
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
its weird how the whole pondering thing works
It is weird.
I mean just a little over five days ago I thought I was doomed and I was worth nothing. However, the most almighty God forgave ME. ME?! I was sitting there during the alter call and the devil's grasp of my heart was becoming looser and looser as God began to take His child back. For far too long the devil had been feeding lies into my heart but I believed every single one. I thought I would never be worth anything and that I would never be loved or feel love. All I saw was a dirty person that no one would ever want. I would look in the mirror and not know who was in the reflection. Was this what I was doomed to be? A person with a mask. No one knew the real me; I lied to even those who I thought were my best friends. I thought it was better than being alone. The truth is I was NEVER alone. God wouldn't give up on me. My family (in Christ) wouldn't give up on me.
It weird how when God wasn't directing my life, when I wasn't following His plan, that I knew exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. Not anymore. I don't have any idea where my life is headed. Ok, I know of one place that it is for sure to go and that is to heaven to live eternally with Him. But what is His plan for my life on Earth? For once I am not in control, not that you can count to what I was before as 'in control', but still I feel like I am walking through a dark room with my hands out in front of me itching forward a little at a time for fear that I might stumble. The truth I have to keep telling myself is that God is leading me. I am not blind. He has my hand and knows where he is taking me even if I can't see it yet.
He has a plan, a path. But I had to make the choice to follow it; to follow Him. Because of His Grace I now have a future. I no longer look in the mirror and see nothing I see me. Who that me is I am going to get to know better but at least I know I am not alone. I will never be alone. Before I felt that I would never be worth anything to any man. But I now know God has a different plan; we weren't created to live alone. By no means am I ready for anything any time in the future, I have much growing to do spiritually and a lot more healing to do emotionally. But still there is hope one day He will send me the most perfect person for me! I have faith and hope and for now that is all I need. First He has to become my best friend before any man can.
Its weird how much emotionally draining living for yourself and in sin can be. Even now I still struggle with the belief that I am worth it. It is at those points that I force myself to look in the mirror and say "HOW DARE YOU question whether or not the blood Jesus shed on the cross would be able to clean you? He died so that no matter what YOU could have a new and eternal life. HOW DARE YOU say that you , the daughter of the almighty God is worthless! He created YOU. HE made YOU! He obviously thought you were worth it by creating you! HE loves you more than anyone can or ever will." It is a realization that even as I type it it still bring tears to my eyes. But happy and thankful tears! God has forgiven me. The devil LOST! As much as he thought those thought would ruin me, well they did, but God would not let it happen. HE has always had a bigger plan for me.
It's weird how those who were raised in a broken home, like me, feel that there is no one who can replace or refill the whole that growing up caused. In my case my dad not being around. I was stupid because my father had never left. MY heavenly father the one who created me was always there. I let the 'daddy issues' as I call them rule my life. The truth is that they were just an excuse to give my sin. I mean i couldn't blame me because that would mean something was wrong with me. The truth is that it was my fault! I had to make the choice to change. I had to ADMIT that I was wrong. It's actually quite humbling saying that you need to change and you are wring and asking for forgiveness. That is all that God asks us to do. He wants to forgive but you have to be willing to change. It takes more than just a prayer too! You have to live your part. Pray everyday and read your bible. THAT is how HE gets closer to you and you get closer to Him. Without it there is no way you can last. It feeds the Holy Spirit that is living inside you.
All I know is that I am so incredibly thankful that God forgave me! That by His grace I know I am made new and set free. I HAVE BEEN SET FREE.
I mean just a little over five days ago I thought I was doomed and I was worth nothing. However, the most almighty God forgave ME. ME?! I was sitting there during the alter call and the devil's grasp of my heart was becoming looser and looser as God began to take His child back. For far too long the devil had been feeding lies into my heart but I believed every single one. I thought I would never be worth anything and that I would never be loved or feel love. All I saw was a dirty person that no one would ever want. I would look in the mirror and not know who was in the reflection. Was this what I was doomed to be? A person with a mask. No one knew the real me; I lied to even those who I thought were my best friends. I thought it was better than being alone. The truth is I was NEVER alone. God wouldn't give up on me. My family (in Christ) wouldn't give up on me.
It weird how when God wasn't directing my life, when I wasn't following His plan, that I knew exactly what I wanted to do and where I wanted to go. Not anymore. I don't have any idea where my life is headed. Ok, I know of one place that it is for sure to go and that is to heaven to live eternally with Him. But what is His plan for my life on Earth? For once I am not in control, not that you can count to what I was before as 'in control', but still I feel like I am walking through a dark room with my hands out in front of me itching forward a little at a time for fear that I might stumble. The truth I have to keep telling myself is that God is leading me. I am not blind. He has my hand and knows where he is taking me even if I can't see it yet.
He has a plan, a path. But I had to make the choice to follow it; to follow Him. Because of His Grace I now have a future. I no longer look in the mirror and see nothing I see me. Who that me is I am going to get to know better but at least I know I am not alone. I will never be alone. Before I felt that I would never be worth anything to any man. But I now know God has a different plan; we weren't created to live alone. By no means am I ready for anything any time in the future, I have much growing to do spiritually and a lot more healing to do emotionally. But still there is hope one day He will send me the most perfect person for me! I have faith and hope and for now that is all I need. First He has to become my best friend before any man can.
Its weird how much emotionally draining living for yourself and in sin can be. Even now I still struggle with the belief that I am worth it. It is at those points that I force myself to look in the mirror and say "HOW DARE YOU question whether or not the blood Jesus shed on the cross would be able to clean you? He died so that no matter what YOU could have a new and eternal life. HOW DARE YOU say that you , the daughter of the almighty God is worthless! He created YOU. HE made YOU! He obviously thought you were worth it by creating you! HE loves you more than anyone can or ever will." It is a realization that even as I type it it still bring tears to my eyes. But happy and thankful tears! God has forgiven me. The devil LOST! As much as he thought those thought would ruin me, well they did, but God would not let it happen. HE has always had a bigger plan for me.
It's weird how those who were raised in a broken home, like me, feel that there is no one who can replace or refill the whole that growing up caused. In my case my dad not being around. I was stupid because my father had never left. MY heavenly father the one who created me was always there. I let the 'daddy issues' as I call them rule my life. The truth is that they were just an excuse to give my sin. I mean i couldn't blame me because that would mean something was wrong with me. The truth is that it was my fault! I had to make the choice to change. I had to ADMIT that I was wrong. It's actually quite humbling saying that you need to change and you are wring and asking for forgiveness. That is all that God asks us to do. He wants to forgive but you have to be willing to change. It takes more than just a prayer too! You have to live your part. Pray everyday and read your bible. THAT is how HE gets closer to you and you get closer to Him. Without it there is no way you can last. It feeds the Holy Spirit that is living inside you.
All I know is that I am so incredibly thankful that God forgave me! That by His grace I know I am made new and set free. I HAVE BEEN SET FREE.
Monday, May 30, 2011
oh man .....
it is REALLY hard!!!.. I feel as though I have one thing that I have to do.. but then the other thing I could do I try convincing myself I could last when in all reality I am pretty sure that is a lie.
so in the end
when I look back I don't want anything to be worth giving up my salvation.
eternity or... (the issue that is causing decisions to be hard)??
help me God...
the road i chose
I gave all my heart and life to the heavenly father! I was filled with the Holy Ghost and was baptized :) .. I am done falling!! It is all uphill from here :) ..
"I took the road less traveled by, and that will make all the difference"
"I took the road less traveled by, and that will make all the difference"
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
the road not taken
There comes a point in life where you come to a fork in the road; and looking ahead they both look like they will be amazing. But the problem is you have to choose ONE.
Which is that will lead you to heaven?
Which is that will lead you to heaven?
so
The one thing the world cant take from me is my love and joy to sing.
Is there a reason i was given the voice that i have?
What is singing when it has no purpose?? Other than of sort of release that I use.
What is purpose for me?
I hate being in the dark sometimes.....
Is there a reason i was given the voice that i have?
What is singing when it has no purpose?? Other than of sort of release that I use.
What is purpose for me?
I hate being in the dark sometimes.....
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
WHERE IS HOME?
Ok! So I am just going to open up now. I feel like I don’t have a home. Is that weird at all?
Look at it from my perspective. I moved to Phoenix at the end of June in 2010 (last year). MOVE NUMBER 1. It was weird going from a place where I had you know little space but it was MINE. I move here to none. Now in my own defense I spent over half my life (well up to now) sharing a bedroom with not just one but THREE other females. The sharing is not the problem. When I moved in my specific roomie had already set up her stuff and set the boundaries to what her space was. I felt like I was a guest and was invading on someone else’s territory.
Then in October I was transfered to a different apartment (still in housing). MOVE NUMBER 2. Yet again I had to invade what someone else had already set up. Again I felt like I didn’t belong.
MOVE NUMBER 3 was completed two days ago.
I am done! I don’t have any motivation to unpack my stuff. It feels like as soon as I finish unpacking I am just going to have to start all over again. Even when I am in Prescott, my sister emphasizes the fact that I don’t live there anymore.
I just feel like I don’t have a home.
WHERE IS HOME?!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
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