Part 2 to a post from September 2011

You may be able to forgive everyone else, but what about yourself? PART 2 (PART 1 click HERE)

What is wrong with me? If I know that forgiveness is my problem you would think that it would come more easy after all the experience that I have. Nope. It is still one of the hardest things that I deal with. The hardest is forgiving myself.

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result

That is exactly what I have been doing. Repeating past mistakes instead of learning from them. The struggle with forgiveness goes right along with that. The thing that I have to tell myself is that

1. If God can and did forgive me. Sent His ONLY Son to die for ME and I wasn't even born yet God knew that the Human Race needed Jesus. GOD  loved us so much that He did that for all of us. How can I DARE think that I am not worthy of forgiveness from myself or anyone when He did that for me showing me just how worthy I am.

2. In Christ I am a new creation. I am not the same Andrea I was before Christ came to live in my heart. I am a child of God. How can I slander myself when I know how deeply God loves and that He created me. I should be more ashamed of the fact I can't see myself past my mistakes when God wiped it all clean by the Blood of Jesus Christ. It like saying that His ultimate sacrifice wasn't enough. How dare I?!

God has forgiven me and now I need to move past this bump in the road and learn from it.

A quote from a song " Heal the wound but leave the scar, a reminder of how merciful You are"

This is the truth.

I have been set free. Not only from sin but from the devils hold on my insecurities. God made me the way I am for a reason. He has a purpose for me. I need to trust in Him and have faith and patience that He will show me when He knows I am ready. He knows me better than I know myself and He knows what my future holds.

Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean NOT on your own understanding - Proverbs 3:5

Trust. Hope. Faith

and know

I have been...




SET FREE!!

 

Getting through the winds of life..

I was walking outside on this beautiful spring day. I turned the corner of my house and there were the lilacs in full bloom. God's creations are so incredibly beautiful it is almost too much to fully take in. It was amazing to see that all the blossoms had survived the VERY harsh weather we have recently had to deal with. It got me thinking, what has this lilac had to endure??

We had three lilac bushes for as long as I can remember. My whole life quite possibly. They have been through late freezes, hot dry summers, crazy females who make drown it one day then forget to water it for a while and so much more. This is the one love survivor of the three. It survived the demolition of our old trailer and the placing of the new home. Through all the difficulties we have gone through in our family and life through the years this one plant was the constant. It never changed. Of course through the seasons it did but every spring there were the dependable blossoms. Colorful, vibrant and the hope that beauty comes again. Life is hard and there are the frozen months where we feel there is no beauty anymore, no more life. But then out of the cold brings the hopeful spring. In our lives we experience all the changing seasons sometimes it feels more like the cold winter but there is hope on the horizon. There will always be a spring!

We can get through the rough times in life, the cold, the winds that shake us of our feet. When it all goes away and is calmed there is the dependable spring. God telling us that there is beauty from pain and suffering  There are good things that come out of the hard times. Life might be hard but it is only going to get better. God makes sure of that. He is the dependable spring, the beautiful blooms. The hope that there is still life.

The winds rough us up but the realization is that when we stand we are so much stronger...

These thoughts made me think of pretty awesome song by Steven Curtis Chapman

"Beauty Will Rise - Steven Curtis Chapman  

It was the day the world went wrong

I screamed til my voice was goneAnd watched through the tears as everythingCame crashing down
Slowly panic turns to painAs we awake to what remainsAnd sift through the ashesThat are left behind
But buried deep beneathAll our broken dreams we have this hope

Out of these ashes beauty will rise And we will dance among the ruins We will see it with our own eyes Out of these ashes beauty will rise For we know joy is coming in the morning In the morning, beauty will rise

So take another breath for nowAnd let the tears come washing downAnd if you can't believe, I will believe for you
Cause I have seen the signs of springJust watch and see

Out of these ashes beauty will riseAnd we will dance among the ruinsWe will see it with our own eyesOut of these ashes beauty will rise

For we know joy is coming in the morningIn the morning
I can hear it in the distanceAnd it's not too far awayIt's the music and the laughterOf a wedding and a feastI can almost feel the hand of GodReaching for my face to wipe the tears awayYou say it's time to make everything new

Make it all new
This is our hopeThis is a promiseThis is our hopeThis is a promise
It will take our breath awayTo see the beauty that's been madeOut of the ashes, out of the ashes
It will take our breath awayTo see the beauty that He's madeOut of the ashes, out of the ashes
Out of these ashes

Beauty will riseAnd we will dance among the ruinsWe will see it with our own eyesOut of this darknessNew light will shineAnd we'll know the joy that's coming in the morningIn the morningBeauty will rise

Oh, beauty will riseOh, oh, oh, beauty will riseOh, oh, oh, beauty will riseOh, oh, oh, beauty will rise 

Do you feel you are stuck in the frozen tundra in life? Take hope with you.

 "In everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven" Ecc 3:1 

This season of hardship will end and spring a season of hope and happiness. God is in control he knows what he is doing..

Have faith. Trust God. Believe. Hope

The inspiration from a friend and song...

How do you get inspiration? what is it that inspires you?

Sometimes it takes reading something from someone random to get truly inspired. As of late I have been far too busy feeling sorry for myself than focusing on what God has done for me and when He still has planned. Thinking about how hard life has been the last year and confusing and unstable and so much more. In the words of this person though, there is not one worst day being saved that was worse than the best day as a sinner. I have come so far from where I was three years ago. I was suicidal and thought that there was no one in the world who would ever want me, a used piece of garbage that needed to be gotten rid of. Thank the Lord above that there is Divine Intervention. That there was one person who dragged me to a place I did NOT want to be. The place where God came down and in my sobbing tears I gave my life to Him asking for His forgiveness. The truth is that He saved me from myself and my self destruction. His grace and mercy is endless and through it I am still here today. The past is not to be forgotten it is something to remember but to learn from and not repeat. Another thing is that life is hard and humans aren't perfect. When we stumble He helps us back up. We have to get back up and keep moving forward! His forgiveness is endless. Now that is not saying you fall on purpose because you know he will help. That is not it at all. Its about not letting the guilt of stumbling bring you down further. He helped you up its time to keep going. That is something that I have constantly struggled with is that I have guilt and shame. But He took my shame and guilt when He died on that cross. He washed away all my sins, white as snow. I am listening to a song and God is speaking to me so much through it. 

"Love Came Down by Kari Jobe"

If my heart is overwhelmed
And I cannot hear Your voice
I hold on to what is true
Though I cannot see

If the storms of life they come
And the road ahead gets steep
I will lift these hands in faith
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
Lord I'm forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

When my heart is filled with hope
Every promise comes my way
When I feel Your hands of grace
Rest upon me

Staying desperate for You, God
Staying humble at Your feet
I will lift these hands in praise
I will believe

I'll remind myself
Of all that You've done
And the life I have
Because of Your son

Love came down and rescued me
Love came down and set me free
I am Yours
I am forever Yours
Mountains high or valley low
I sing out and remind my soul
I am Yours
I am forever Yours

Singing this out loud helps me remember why I am here today. Through song is how I am inspired and through some how God speaks to me. Music is a part of ever fiber of my being. I thank God that He has put that in me. I just wish I knew more so I could use it for His glory. It is definitely a work in progress. master the piano first!

If you are reading this know that God can and will save you from the place you are at. He loves you as He loves me. Also take that I am clearly insane and that I love every second of it. God has done some pretty amazing stuff in my life and He wants to do it in yours too! I pray that this can speak to someone even if i use this blog to help myself think I hope that it can help others too. It my way to sort through the massive amount of thoughts in my head. Have a great and wonderful day!!